Are You With Me?

Clueless in Conversation-ville?

Are you really "with" people when you're with them? Are you really hearing, seeing, 

feeling, sensing, breathing them in? Or are you often bored, distracted, rushed, or 

wishing you were somewhere else? Do you jump ahead in the conversation, saying 

what you know they meant to say or strategize "fixes" for their concerns before 

they have hardly left their lips? Do you find yourself sizing up their clothing choice, 

or facial quirks, or figit with your pen or take in the activity in the room while they 

are speaking? 

No matter who I am with, I am often dreamily lost in thought: "if only they...speak 

up, shut up, be quick, be reasonable, or be honest. I spend a lot of time "wishing" 

who I think the other person ought to be and what I want them to say - or not, and 

only a small part of my brain or heart is really with them in the now. Sure, we've all 

been accused of not being "with it" as they say; but often it has become a very bad 

habit. Our lack of presence speaks volumes.

Is Your "Half-Heartedness" Showing?

When a person is getting only a portion of our attention, it sends a clear message 

that they don't matter terribly much. As a result, relationships subtly suffer and so 

does productivity. Sure, we can "get by with it", we all do it. And But what price are 

we paying to have half of our consciousness half way around the world ? A lot of 

misinformation and misinterpretation takes place. People are confused, hurt, and 

angry, lost. They feel insignificant. They tend toward uncooperativeness, half- 

hearted work, absenteeism, health issues, even undermining each other. 

Relationships are strained and artificial or contentious. The loss to me personally is 

something I rarely consider - lack of support, lack of intimacy, lack of integrity.

Is it that we don't value each other enough to be attentive for just a minute, don't' 

realize the impact, or is it that we just don't know how?

Practice the Presence

In his 1999 book Practicing the Presence of People. Mike Mason on the contrary, 

encourages the reader to learn how to be present in-- and to-- the "presence" of 

other people. This involves being willing to see others as they are, for who they are, 

and be OK with that. Essentially, to practice the presence of others means paying 

full and close attention to the people you are with. The surprising thing is how 

rewarding and freeing it can be - on both sides.

When we are able to be present, we are warmly focused. We find ourselves 

enjoying the other's company, fascinated by their uniqueness, intrigued by their 

mystery, and at the very least -- or best -- at peace with them. Practicing the 

presence of people is an awareness, yes, but most of all, it is a choice and finally, an 

art. As with any art or creative expression, the basis for great results is practice, 

practice, practice!

Love the One You're With

To be "with" someone or present to someone is a choice, but it is a dedicated choice 

some might call a commitment. Could it be, that giving someone our full attention 

is the essence of real love? Attentiveness is a listening with the heart and soul. It is 

not something you give on occasion, it is a consistent way of being with other 

people through thick and thin. There are steps to be learned, difficulties to be 

overcome, insights to be implemented, benefits to be enjoyed. All of this involves 

devotion and persistence. Mason compares the experience of being present to 

other people to a contemplative way of praying. Why? Back in the 1600's, a monk 

named Brother Lawrence aptly coined the phrase "practicing the presence of God." 

Brother Lawrence learned the secret to being aware of and taking in the reality of 

"God with us." This led to his ability to be ever connected to this divine presence 

with an added bonus that changed his life- contentment in everything.

When we connect to the presence of another, we are "engaged". We are content to 

'love the one we are with" and not wsh we were somewhere else. 

In engagement, we move from being spectators to being participants. In this role, 

we are no longer intimidated or judgmental, nevermind distracted. We are fully 

aware but not rest-less. We are in a state of active rest.

So, away with pre-occupation, away with busyness, business as usual, time- 

consciousness, driven-ness, thinking ahead, fixing, solving, sweating the 

discomfort of others. Let's practice being fully focused, fully present to the next 

person we converse with. It's a awarenes It is choice. It's an art. It is love. 

Rewarding conversations not only make sense, they make cents. "Presence" is the 

best kind of gift!

Do you 'love the one you're with?' Or do you wish they were someone else? Everyday conversations are fertile ground for valuable conversations. Give each person your full attention and reap the unexpected benefits!